Pat your 12 strawberries completely dry with paper towels and set them on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Leave the green stems attached — those are your handles. Keep them at room temperature while you prep everything else. This takes literally two minutes but prevents chocolate from sliding right off.
Combine your chopped dark chocolate, unsalted butter, and coconut oil in a microwave-safe bowl. Heat in 30-second intervals, stirring between each one, until completely smooth and melted. Don't rush this part or you'll scorch the chocolate and ruin the whole batch. Mine takes about 90 seconds total.
Stir in the heavy cream, powdered sugar, and orange blossom water until the mixture is silky and pourable. You'll hear it make a soft sizzle as the cream hits the warm chocolate — that's your signal everything's incorporated. The consistency should coat a spoon but still drip easily.
Working quickly, grab a strawberry by its stem and dip it into the chocolate mixture, rotating it to coat all sides. Lift it out and let excess chocolate drip back into the bowl for a few seconds. Place it on your parchment-lined sheet. Repeat with all 12 strawberries.
Sprinkle the toasted pistachios, almond slivers, and a tiny pinch of flaky sea salt onto each strawberry while the chocolate is still wet. Press them gently so they stick. The contrast between the salty, crunchy topping and the smooth chocolate is what makes people ask for seconds.
Pop the whole sheet into your freezer for 8 to 10 minutes until the chocolate sets completely. When your kitchen smells like rich, cooling chocolate and the berries look matte instead of glossy, they're done. Don't leave them in longer or they'll get too hard and crack when you bite into them.
Transfer your chocolate covered strawberries to a serving platter or store them in an airtight container in the fridge. They'll stay fresh for three days, though honestly they never last that long in my house. Serve them cold for that perfect contrast between the crispy chocolate shell and the juicy berry inside.